The ups and downs,
The expectations, and the fact I fail at meeting up to them,

The sadness and the joy that makes you long for simpler times.

Someone got lost growing up, and no, there was no warning attached. 

Me —

I thought I knew me until I lost her in the pictures of who she is supposed to be.

Who do I want to be anyway?

Going through the rows and I still don’t know.

I lost myself and struggled to find her.

Only if I could’ve provided her an anchor in the then and future.

With love comes pain…

…and pain comes love.

A new sense to ordinary living, I presume.

Maybe in the ashes of broken expectations could I truly appreciate the beauty of self.

How do we do life?

Of the ability to tame the flames in wake,

to own a destiny that is what it is,

and to appreciate the beauty called life.

— I have come to appreciate the process.

The love of life and self.

Navigation after certain constant phases in life is hard. Exploring outside your comfort zone to meet realities that you never knew were definitely throwing you through a loop. “Going through the rows…” became part of the introspection process. Who did I want to be in the vastness, or do I go with the crowd? How do I stay rooted in my stories with the people around me and build more without being afraid of the drift? How do I save having my heart shatter from major decisions that involve letting go? How do I find meaning when I do not know where to look or how to look for it? 

The process is fraught with questions: about self, love, loss, change, finding closure and being. The reality I have met is quite different and it demands time to adjust to, from the expectations and rediscovering what role you are to play in this circle of life. It is laughable to say you have all the time in the world for such. This is me, writing for the little girl in me who got lost along the way — and maybe for other little girls.

Uy is a poet and writer, her works typically exploring the themes of self, identity and love in a constantly changing world. A hopeless romantic at heart, she seeks to leave a reminder of a “beautiful world” even with its complexities; we can only wonder why. Writing since age 7, Uyemhi would often say the universe chose her to pick words and a pen as forever friends.